love with all my heart mind and soul

recently, more and more, the idea of love has seemed sort of like this myth that people continue to foster because it makes them secure to believe that there's this emotion that transcends the whole definition of "emotions." I can buy joy, or sorrow, or anger, because really, when we (or I) talk about joy, sorrow, or anger, i treat these terms as basically just my actions/reactions towards certain things. not much more or less. but people treat the word, or the idea of love as something so much more. there's love, and of course Love, and being IN love, and really all it comes down to, is it's a recurring state of joy, which is just, as far as i can see, when a happy or satisfied feeling comes across me. and when that is continuous for awhile, we get this feeling that it's not just ongoing joy, but love. because what, there's devotion? well that's probably just fear. the whole idea seems fueld by fear. if you're satisfied with something, or someone, then why do you have to proclaim devotion? why can't it be understood? if i'm really satisfied by a certain soda, dr. pepper for example, i don't feel the need to make it apparent that i'm devoted to this soda, although i pretty much am. it's understood, y'see. but really if it gets old to me, i'd try something new. just like with relationships. so devotion is really nothing. if someone "has" it for someone else, it's just normal, not special.

obviously i'll use the term love, because the term is so ingrained in my whole system that it'd be quite a task to try and flush it out completely and i don't think it's worth it to try and make that kind of statement, but i don't think i'll take it seriously. i'll treat it the way i treat the idea of a soul or a mind (thanks to michele): with just a grain of salt.....cut in half. actually, it's not even that i'll think of these things with skepticism, it's more a complete understanding that they're not necessary ideals to accept in order to lead a full and accomplished life. it's just a weak way of going about life, accepting and swearing by all these things that can't at all be proven. i mean, even if something does actually exist that is somewhat like a soul, or a mind, or a state of being called "love," we'll never really be able to define it, because it doesn't really exist outside of our brains. so we don't have to believe in a soul just to feel important, but that's what people do who can't make self-worth themselves, they think "oh everyone's important, because there's this magic ghost type thing inside me (but not really INSIDE me) and it'll float up into the sky when this little "shell" of mine gives out." and we don't have to believe in a mind to set us apart from other mammals. or actually, maybe we DO need to believe that, but why should we have to set ourselves apart from mammals? that sort of proves how desperate we are. and it doesn't end there, does it? we can't just be the kings of earth. we have to be special children of the all powerful creator of LITERALLY everything that there is. and that's pretty special. although it's scary as hell, it's sort of comforting knowing that there's this being that knows how many hairs are on my head at all times, because, y'know, that means he cares. and he loves us. right? love? unconditional love? hohoho, so that's not just love, but love that can't be contained and has no limits. so this god that, i gotta tell ya, i cannot relate to whatsoever, can obviously relate to us enough to love every one of us. to love EVERYONE unconditionally. see, i don't really hold onto this idea of love anymore, but i actually condemn this idea of unconditional love. but what about a parent's love for their children? hmm....well it certainly gives them worth, right? and some people can hold their worth pretty high. and people latch onto this idea of a legacy also, what with last names and birthing constantly. so there's that.

obviously i'm not writing very effectively because all this is so long-winded, but i'm not really trying to do anything right now. that's actually why i started writing this blog. to type without actually trying to do anything in particular. so, naturally, i started complaining, because that's what naturally comes out when i'm not picking another direction. so there's that.